Why Drone Part 3

This is gong to be a rambling post that will contradict itself and provide no answers. At least not yet. Think of this as a one sided discussion (at least for now) attempting to answer the question “Why Drone” from a myriad of angles. Hence the need for a series of posts.

Note: due to the very nature of drone, these articles do not have to be read in order. You could even read part 1 or 2 last.

We have already answered what drone is and why it is fundamental but it doesn't explain my fixation on the drone. I know I have said it was universal and appeals to everyone but that isn't the same as my fascination with it - which is on another level. I actively seek out drone releases, despite how many I already have and then I take my time exploring the sounds - almost like a meditation and perhaps it is. All this, in order to find oblivion.

But what do I exactly mean by that and why am I seeking it? Should we all be seeking it? I think so but I can only speak for myself. Perhaps something here will resonate with the reader (assuming there is ever one lol) and it is as universal as I (hoped) thought.

To fully answer why I am looking for oblivion, I first have to answer why I desire it. Life has a way of catching up with you (cliche #1) and one way or another, you will pay for your younger self's ignorance (cliche #2). Whether that be for your physical or mental health.

I am not sure I am paying for the physical part (despite back issues and other things) but I am definitely paying for the mental part. It is a hell of a thing to one day realize that the world isn't as it seems. Meaning, to step outside of yourself and critique the person in front of you (which of course is you). To then realize, how this individual is misreading everything and generally being an ass. And being in your fifties amplifies it even more. From that moment forward, I became conscious of something that had been chasing me my whole life: depression - the void by any other name.

Things became more clear in the depression. I saw who I was and how I got to this point. I saw the trauma, the bad parenting (they tried), the dysfunction and the lack of any real tools to ensure a healthy life.

Unfortunately, to gain this kind of clarity, you have to stare into the abyss. And now, I am trying to find my way out. I am rebuilding myself – trying to understand what is important in life and what kind of life I want to lead with my wife/family. This is hard and I stumble often – which allows the abyss to pull me back. It is difficult to find solace when you are trying to crawl your way out but there is one constant that can always soothe, music - particularly drone music.

If I am receptive (and I try everyday to be) the drone can calm me and quiet my thoughts. It can show me the opposite of the abyss – pure light. Nothing exists in this light - including yourself. For that moment, you return from where you likely began, the creation of the universe.

I know this might sound hokey but this is what works for me and what keeps me striving for oblivion and moving away from the void.

As I reach the end of this series of posts, the lines from Time by Pink Floyd never ring more true:

The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Photo by Daniel De Los Santos, Lago Vista, TX